I need to go have coffee with him."
Do Overs would be nice... I'd like to hold his hand, pull him in for a kiss and whisper in his ear that I finally understand this message.
"We did not have an agreement for "til death do us part". Parting at death was never entertained."
"So I'll hold you as close as I can
Longing for the day, when I see your face again"
I have no idea why Raymond has become the subject of this blog. I certainly had other intentions for it. What I do know...with a great sense of peace and relief is that the message, the really big message he has been trying to knock into my head is 5 fold and repetitive. I've gone over his death story probably a thousand times and never gleaned from it the simple truth.
1. Raymond and I did not have an agreement for "til death do us part".
2. Raymond did have an agreement with the distraction to part at death and he did so immediately.
3. Raymond ignored the Mother in Law at the Wake via the old roommate.
- There turned out to be a number of plotting against me stories during the early days that were told by the Mother in Law and the distraction before and after Raymond's Wake. Many of these stories were witnessed by his Only Son to the point that his Only Son told me upon his return home that I never stood a chance. It is important to note that in spite of the issues with the distraction, I never at any time ran her down or disparaged her or her Mother to His Only Son.
5. Raymond introduced me as his wife at the Wake to friends and most importantly to specific members of his Family via his favorite Bartender.
Only Raymond and I would know of the significance of each of these. The chickens finally came home to roost in more ways than one.
"You know I love you, I always will
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there'll be no end
'Cause on my love you can depend
I see your face before me
As I lay on my bed
I cannot get to thinking
Of all the things you said
You gave your promise to me and I gave mine to you
I need someone beside me in everything I do
You know I love you, I always will"
I turned to him and stated these facts one by one. He nodded and told me to remember them every time I started to go down our Rabbit Hole and to use them to get through tough times, that he would be waiting for me and to try not to cry. I cried anyway... Then he did a "Home James" in his Dandy pose... and I cried some more.
"This intermission is different and yet the same. He refused to die until he was alone with myself and his only Son. I could take up a lot more space with stories during life that exemplified this ending however much of the substance is that unspoken language between two forged beings.
I was waiting in his kitchen for his Wake time to start. One of his old roommates came in, looked at the Mother in Law without a word and then looked at me, called me by name and said "Thank God you're here! I'm so sorry!" Just stopped by to say Hi!
After the ceremony and very near the time that I left, I went through the front porch into the living room to look for someone. Several people were there including a sister and other family members. His favorite Bartender was telling some Raymond stories as I sat down. She stopped and introduced me to the room as his Wife, once again calling me by name. Just stopped by to say Hi!"
LIFE is a HIGHWAY
Chris LeDoux
Life's like a road that you travel on
When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate, break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long
Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in my blood and it's all around
I love you now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Tennessee to those LA nights
The San Antone' to Vegas lights
Knock me down get back up again
You're in my blood I'm not a lonely man
There's no load I can't hold
Road so rough, this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Tell 'em we're survivors
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long
There was a distance between you and I
A misunderstanding once but now
We look it in the eye
There's no load I can't hold
Road so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Tell 'em we're survivors
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long
Written by Thomas William Cochrane • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group