The game took me back to several memories filled with laughter, contemplation and love as we guessed and tried to persuade each other whose vision was best. It also took me back to years of laying in the grass alone wondering how the clouds got there, what they were about and what I was supposed to be doing in my life because somehow when I was alone looking at the clouds it was always about what I was supposed to be doing. When I was with others, it was just a lot of fun, a great way to pass the time or something we did instinctively while working out a problem.
I think the difference in perspective is one of support. When things were more “normal” surrounded by “normal" family support in my life, I seldom thought about what I was supposed to be doing. With most family gone and little support in my life, thinking about what am I supposed to be doing is the only game in town. It's a damn tiresome way to play after a while.
So the clouds gave me a moment to reflect on the many wonderful folks that I have had in my life over time and all the crazy lovely things that we did, like heading out for a trip to Yellowstone and ending up in Crowheart. We were having so much fun that we didn't realize we missed the turn to Yellowstone a LONGGGGGGGG ways back! And like working out a game plan for wrapping up a life in another State that had just came to a rather abrupt and violent end. In both instances, we were playing clouds just because that's what we did as part of our process of living.
The clouds that were posted helped me to remember that I do have some support now, it's just become hard to take the break and reach out for it. Maybe they will help me remember that that is really all I have to do. yes, yes.