I'm at the stage in this process that I am recognizing my role in my destruction while trying to show Raymond that I just didn't care which was all bluster and bravado and very much Fake News. It's humbling, humiliating and heartbreaking all at the same time to finally realize after nearly 50 years that your reactions were more harmful than anything Raymond did... well except maybe Russian Roulette.. that was a real ball buster.
It choked off all reason and crashed through to the speedway of Hell on Wheels. I had no competition in my destruction. I was way ahead of Raymond in this race. It seemed that I had learned how to beat a Horse to death and keep on beating it before he even came along. It was not well thought out, only occasionally planned and 100% not recognized until recently, even though he had brought this up earlier this year infusing me with the thought that one of the things he hoped we could heal was beating an issue to death... it only enlarged the issue, estranged us and sometimes led to the next intermission.
Ultimately, neither one of us could let an issue go. Exhibited differently but the same at it's core, hence the rant we played over and over for each other "I Love You but I Hate You"
I am very grateful that a New Day is coming... and especially grateful for this very personal message from Raymond shining through a Sea of Guilt.
I WANT TO STROLL OVER HEAVEN WITH YOU
- Alan Jackson
If I survey all the good things that come to me from above
If I count all the blessings from the storehouse of love
I'd simply ask for the favor of him beyond mortal king
And I'm sure he would grant it again
I want to stroll over Heaven with you some glad day
When all our troubles and heartaches are vanished away
Then we'll enjoy the beauty where all things are new
I want to stroll over Heaven with you
So many places of beauty we long to see here below
But time and treasures have kept us from making plans as you know
But come the morning of rapture together we'll stand a new
While I stroll over Heaven with you
I want to stroll over Heaven with you some glad day
When all our troubles and heartaches are vanished away
Then we'll enjoy the beauty where all things are new
I want to stroll over Heaven with you
written by Carl L. Trivette in 1952
Alan Jackson recorded in 2006.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher