What an incredible find! I had no idea anything like this was available. Make sure to share -- a lot! Just click on the pix and it will take you to the site.
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National Vietnam War Veterans Day March 29, 2018
For all of my Life, Forever Raymond.
It took a lifetime to be able to feel safe enough to begin writing down the story without being terrified. Chillingly sad and deeply tearful ... yes.. but no more fear Dear. To the Love of my Life Beyond the Beyonds Forever Raymond. 
In the quest for all things Flamingo, I discovered that they put Flamingos on welcome mats... to me, this is quite the discovery, however I'm sure to many others it is old hat. In any event, this guy looks like he means business and should probably be on my doorstep!   Have been making these potholders as a stress reliever. Finally decided to put them up for sale. Kid's stuff I know as I made plenty of them in the 50's and 60's. I have no idea where thought to start making them again came from but it's been sort of fun and yet frustrating as I keep breaking the plastic looms and the needles. So far, I haven't found a metal set but will keep looking. I didn't have much to soothe me back then aside from doing this and sorting buttons. We used to have a Minnesota Woolen Mill lady come every summer with fabric and accessories to sell. It was amazing! The smell of the fabric was wonderful and she had boxes and boxes of accessories. One year she came with this shoebox full of buttons to sell, Mom bought it and I had my down time activity. I sorted and counted those buttons for years as something to do between helping to cook meals for the haymen or to keep quiet while Mom rested. I don't have any buttons to sell... so these hot pads will just have to do!
This is an incredible story. Fun and inspiring to watch. You just never know!  What you may be looking for in a different format. There are also items in my Bonanza Store that are not in my eBay Store.  Searching for a new job has become a scary, scarier and totally hopeless task. When you tip the scales at 65 and there are dozens of other applicants much younger than you, the effort seems totally wasted... and yet, there are only a couple more months worth of savings and then the fat lady has sung the last song. There is no choice but to continue. I've worn out my prayer bones, requested prayers from strangers and even reapplied for a job this week that the guy listed in another venue after interviewing me but not hiring me. I thought the interview went well... obviously he did not. I'm at my wits end, eBay sales have tanked, I have his only Son to take care of and I'm scared to death. As I began the last part of the path today, this beautiful poem appeared. I will do my level best not to Quit. 
More rough days, finding myself going down the rabbit hole of us. Then this ... peaceful, loving, hopeful and forgiving. Signature Raymond from the River Bottom straight to my heart at peace in his arms.
I'm at the stage in this process that I am recognizing my role in my destruction while trying to show Raymond that I just didn't care which was all bluster and bravado and very much Fake News. It's humbling, humiliating and heartbreaking all at the same time to finally realize after nearly 50 years that your reactions were more harmful than anything Raymond did... well except maybe Russian Roulette.. that was a real ball buster. It choked off all reason and crashed through to the speedway of Hell on Wheels. I had no competition in my destruction. I was way ahead of Raymond in this race. It seemed that I had learned how to beat a Horse to death and keep on beating it before he even came along. It was not well thought out, only occasionally planned and 100% not recognized until recently, even though he had brought this up earlier this year infusing me with the thought that one of the things he hoped we could heal was beating an issue to death... it only enlarged the issue, estranged us and sometimes led to the next intermission. Ultimately, neither one of us could let an issue go. Exhibited differently but the same at it's core, hence the rant we played over and over for each other "I Love You but I Hate You" I am very grateful that a New Day is coming... and especially grateful for this very personal message from Raymond shining through a Sea of Guilt. I WANT TO STROLL OVER HEAVEN WITH YOU - Alan Jackson If I survey all the good things that come to me from above If I count all the blessings from the storehouse of love I'd simply ask for the favor of him beyond mortal king And I'm sure he would grant it again I want to stroll over Heaven with you some glad day When all our troubles and heartaches are vanished away Then we'll enjoy the beauty where all things are new I want to stroll over Heaven with you So many places of beauty we long to see here below But time and treasures have kept us from making plans as you know But come the morning of rapture together we'll stand a new While I stroll over Heaven with you I want to stroll over Heaven with you some glad day When all our troubles and heartaches are vanished away Then we'll enjoy the beauty where all things are new I want to stroll over Heaven with you written by Carl L. Trivette in 1952 Alan Jackson recorded in 2006. Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
I got so caught up trying to be tough and get through 46 years that I didn't realize that I had erased the Proposal. I had placed it where the Sun didn't shine.
I would talk about being left at the Alter, I bought my own wedding ring with Road Runners on it to prove that I could run too, I told the stories over and over of being acknowledged as his Wife at the Wake. Those closest to him from the early days still remembered "us" and recognized the original plan of "us" being husband and wife. I'm very grateful for that. Like me, they never really accepted that that didn't happen. I knew and lived the story and that seemed good enough. Raymond admitted woefully during every drunken beat down of my door that he ran from the Ceremony for our life. He apologized for doing it to us more times than I can possibly remember however he wasn't beating on my door sober in the daylight and by the time he was sober and we had returned from out of State he had had a major heart attack and had married the distraction for the sake of. I know that he truly regretted not showing up for the Ceremony til the day he died but in the early years he was still on the run and still on the bottle from the ghosts of Nam. To survive, I lived a life trying to replace him and doing many things to spite him. To do that required that I totally black out the asking itself ... until a few months ago. The memory hit me like a freight train after being buried in a ton of bricks. Beautiful sweet heartfelt loving secret talk leading to a humble asking if I would be his Wife made and accepted on the River Bottoms. Our love had already been sealed, the forging was complete, we made preliminary plans for the Ceremony and the beginning of our life together .. and then... I could never have imagined what followed a few short months later. The memories' beauty and the peaceful sense of right and life that accompanied the proposal actually blew up within seconds of raising it's head, as explosive as a hand grenade and as deadly as a Bouncing Betty. I couldn't hold the whole memory for several days. I had to sort of put my toes in the water and work my way up from the peacefulness of our nest in the Bottoms, the sound of the water, the wind and the birds and then a few words at a time. I have to stop myself before I go down our rabbit hole completely without benefit of recent insights or reconciliations. |
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